The Sounds of Silence
by Universically
Summary: An attack on the TARDIS by a long forgotten enemy of the Time Lords forces the Doctor to face up to his past actions to prevent the collapse of the time vortex, but will the cost of success be the life of Rose Tyler?
1. Chapter 1

It was the sound of silence that woke Rose up. She was laying in bed, her purple doona wrapped around her legs like she had been thrashing about in her sleep.

It had taken a while for her sleep muddled brain to realise that it was the silence that was odd. Rose smiled at the memory of when she first joined the Doctor and the week of sleepless nights she had spent as the sound of the TARDIS moving through the vortex had kept her awake. As usual, the Doctor had no sympathy for her predicament and responded with a sarcastic, "Well you humans sleep too much anyway," Still that was how he was then, with his northern accent that grew on you and leather jacket with that smell that always made her feel safe.

Now she had gotten used to the constant, comforting hum that the TARDIS made and for the first time all she could hear in her room was silence. It was the type of silence that wasn't comforting; it was giving her the feeling she used to get as a small child looking at the half closed closet, expecting the monsters to jump out.

Rubbing at her eyes, she stumbled out of bed, belting her pink flannelette dressing gown tightly around her waist. The lack of sound in her ears was, if possible, getting louder. If anything, her experiences with the Doctor had taught her that trusting your instincts could save you life and right now, her instincts were at red alert. The feeling of foreboding only increased and she hummed 'Whose afraid of the big bad wolf' to help keep her fear at bay. While the memories were still extremely vague, the thought that at one time she was one with the time vortex only helped her self confidence and feeling of invincibility.

Rose walked out to the walkway that usually lead to the main control room, half hoping and expecting to hear the Doctor tinkering, cursing, ranting to himself about how clever he is or making some type of racket, causing the TARDIS to be offline or working on fixing it. Instead, all she got was more silence.

The fear that she had been damming back came crashing back into her veins, making her whole body feel like it was running on molten lava. The sound of her footsteps echoed loudly down the corridor and it was all she could do to keep walking calmly instead of running wild in a blind panic with arms flapping or going into sprint to find the Doctor ASAP.

She walked briskly into the control room (and thought she deserved a BAFTA for acting so calm), noticed only the emergency lighting was on and looked for the Doctor. It took two quick, desperate glances around the room before she saw him lying under the console in the shadows, tools spread out around him.

Instantly, the tenseness in her shoulders relaxed and the fear instantly dissolved. A silly, goofy grin formed on her face before she could stop it but she got hold of her self and replaced it with a concerned, thoughtful look. She noticed that he was still wearing the torn, brown pinstripe suit that he had on after they had to run for their lives this morning after a very unintentionally insult in the markets of Veelida'furd left all the butchers running after them with their knives. As it turns out they were quite exceptional at throwing them as well.

As Rose walked over to see what he was doing she stumbled over a carelessly placed coffee mug and cold tea spilt all over the floor and her foot. Cursing to herself she picked up the cup and placed it on the console (one advantage of travelling with the Doctor was picking up some really fantastic swear words, but heaven help her if her mum ever found out what they meant. Especially if she found out the word Rose used to describe her marmalade cake didn't mean delicious, but instead meant something along the lines of: worse than an eternal stench of fetid armpits that had been covered in a musty mould covering)

"Doctor, what's going on and why the hell are you leaving cold tea around where anyone can trip up on it?" she asked.

He didn't answer, didn't move, or even make an annoyed sigh. She knelt down to where he was lying on the floor and tried to get his attention

"Well don't think you don't think you get out of being in trouble by pretending that you didn't know I was here. Remember how well that worked for you last time? If I recall, that bruise on your shins was a lovely green colour for quite some time"

When that didn't elicit a response, Rose changed tactics and got straight to what was bothering her. As annoying as he was, if Rose truly worried, he always had something to say, whether it was to confirm their impending doom or to make her laugh and forget what was worrying her in the first place.

"Doctor, what the hell is up with this place!? I've never heard it so quiet in the TARDIS before" His lack of response this time was making Rose terrified and that awful feeling that something horribly wrong was occurring was making the hair on the back of her neck stand up.

Frantically she grabbed at the Doctor, managing to pull him from underneath the console. Her heart stopped for a moment when she saw his eyes closed, and his face was a horrible pale waxy colour. She heard someone calling out, "DOCTOR!! Doctor, please, please wake up," before she realised that it was her. She winced when she realised she sounded just like her Mum did when she was getting angry and scared. Rose touched his hand and it was icy cold to the touch. She drew her hand away in horror.

Full panic welled up within her as she grabbed the Doctor by the shoulders and shook him, vigorously. She slapped him, pinched his cheek, scratched his arms, even kissed him as hard as she could (any excuse would have done for Rose but the panic that was eating her alive made her wish that she never had those wild daydreams. In fact she would give them all back if it would get the Doctor back. She would even promise not to think that way about him again, if everything would just sort itself out).

She screamed at him to respond, begged, pleaded him to do anything but he stayed as the same icy cold statue. Rose even grabbed the sonic screwdriver lying on the floor and pressed buttons wildly, hoping something miraculous would happen. After sending sparks flying all around the console she quickly put it back down. She tried to remember CPR lessons from high school but nothing could come to mind other than something about calling for help first. But who would she call here? She laid her head against his chest first on the left and then to the right and couldn't hear any heart beats. She tried to do compressions but then remembered he has two hearts and got confused about where to compress and then worried if it would make things worse. Rose placed her cheek against his mouth and couldn't feel any air movement. She tried mouth to mouth but after a minute had no idea if that was doing any good either.

She got back on her feet and wildly looked for anything on the TARDIS console with an emergency or medical type button symbol. When she couldn't see anything she just stabbed at random buttons but the TARDIS stayed unresponsive. Tears coursing down her cheeks, Rose went and sat back down next to the still form of the Doctor. She rocked back on her knees, numb with disbelief but unable to deny the facts.

He was cold. Unmoving. Her Doctor was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

The Doctor leaned over the TARDIS console and looked at the screen that flashed an alarm message.

Rose and the Doctor had been travelling through the time vortex for about an hour now, after an extremely close shave involving expertly handled and thrown butcher's knives. Rose had gone for a quick shower and a sleep before the arrived at their next destination.

He sighed and reflected that he should've predicated what would happen if he took a human to the planet of Veelida'furd, where the thumbs up sign meant something vastly different to the traditional human 'okay'.

The race of Furdian's had a particular physical trait where it was necessary for digital assistance to help them evacuate their waste from their bodies and by displaying the thumb up was to akin to stating that you thought someone was no better than the offending digit. Asking Rose what she thought of the famous roasted meat from the Garl'ur'un she still had stuffed in her mouth was just asking for trouble.

The Doctor focused his attention back on the screen. He frowned and furrowed his brow in concentration, as these strange readings he was getting back from the monitor were annoying the mickey out of him (He grinned as he thought this as that statement had much more meaning since meeting the lovely Rose Tyler)

Regardless of his mickey-less state, these readings were causing old memories to run round his head but they weren't coherent enough to grasp what they meant yet. There was something vaguely familiar about them but no amount of adjusting his already loose tie, chewing on his lip, pulling on his hair or randomly playing with useless levers on the console could help him.

The Doctor briefly toyed with waking Rose up, just in case something serious was happening, but decided that it wasn't worth worrying about. The TARDIS herself didn't seem distressed and she wasn't acting out of sorts. Apart from the warning alarm, everything else was reading fine.

"So, what's going them old girl? Just a random alarm generator to give me a bit more excitement in life, hey?" He patted the console affectionately.

The Doctor sat back on his console chair and rubbed his temples. While Time Lords rarely got tired or required rest, he felt a weariness that seemed to penetrate down to his bones. The thought of going to bed and curling up underneath a doona was extremely attractive and that startled him, because never in his long life had he ever had that urge before.

He was always full of energy, mind racing ahead to anticipate events. Yet right now, he was having trouble remembering how to work out the statistics involved in the non-existence of tests of a hypothesis having power functions independent of sigma, which usually took him 0.1 of a second. (That would teach him for helping out some young student named George with his homework)

This was one of the simpler equations that he solved as a small child. Something not quite right was happening.

When he realised this, the Doctor felt how foggy his mind was acting and how even as he sat, more and more of his mental energy seemed to be draining away.

The Doctor struggled to get out of the chair and dragged himself to the medical room down the corridor. Luckily the TARDIS sensed how weak he was feeling as it was the first room on the left with the examination table a lot closer to the door than he previously remembered it.

He flopped weakly onto the table and started a medical diagnostic for himself. He hoped that his last lot of patchwork on the medical program for time lords would still be functional, as he had no other data to put in it, other than from what was in his memory and from the last lot of upgrades before Gallifrey….. well, before he was on his own.

_Damn_, he thought to himself, I _promised myself not to casually think of Gallifrey like that_.

The Doctor had to quickly swallow and try very hard not to let Gallifrey enter his mind further. He felt full of longing and nostalgia and the ever present gaping black hole in his two hearts seemed to expand and consume his whole body.

The mental discipline that he used every minute to keep that emotion at bay seemed to have collapsed under the pressure of the tidal wave of emotions coming up and he couldn't help but start to quietly weep, eventually becoming consumed with body wracking sobs as he wept for his home planet, his family….his people.

With tears still streaming down his cheeks and out of his nose, the Doctor continued to sob, curled up on his side, and didn't even notice when the diagnostic chimed with its diagnostic finished bell. Eventually, the Doctor lay on his back and sighed. He had entered a state of numbness which kept those twin pools of pain receded in the background.

Wiping at his eyes with the sleeve of his jacket, the Doctor sat up and had a look at the screen which was till chiming away with its diagnostic complete noise.

_Well that noise is never going to be a happy sound again_, he thought grimly.

He closely examined the diagnostic and sagged in relief when he finally recognised what his memories had been trying to tell him for half an hour. He was suffering from a Mye'seonaka viral infection, albeit a particularly virulent form.

The virus was the remnant of an ancient organism that once lived within the time vortex itself. While it had lost cognitive ability and devolved, it still affected Time Lords as they passed through the vortex like a severe mental flu virus.

The virus was named as a 'silent mind disruptor' as the strict mental discipline exercised by a Time Lord was brought undone and left them vulnerable to emotion and memory, especially those still unresolved. The only way to recover was with mental rest and internal discipline to gently push the vortex organism out.

As small children in the academy, young Time Lords were strictly instructed in silence of the mind and The Doctor remembered years and years of discipline classes in mind control.

It became so ingrained that it wasn't even a task that he thought about anymore. He was glad that at least all these mad mood swings and exhaustion wasn't because he was falling apart and that it was due to something that he could fix.

_The virus became extinct many millions of years previously,_ the Doctor frowned as he thought about the virus itself, _when it was wiped from the time vortex by the High Council. I wonder how I got infected with it. I wonder how long it's going to take me to get rid of it. _

The Doctor lay back down on the examination trolley and sighed. He hoped that his shields were enough to protect the TARDIS from the worst effects as the Mye'seonaka could affect her as she channelled the time vortex and send him eras and millions of years off course.

_No wonder I couldn't recognise the alarm on the console,_ the Doctor thought to himself, the _Mye'seonaka hasn't been seen by a Time Lord in over 10 million years_.

All he had to tell Rose was that he was feeling a bit ill and that he just needed a few days of rest. Of course she would know with that infallible instinct of hers that he wasn't quite telling the truth but he was sure that she wouldn't pursue it too much once she saw how tired he was.

Once he thought about that he realised that the opposite was probably true and she wouldn't let it rest until she had the truth.

_Why do I prefer not to tell her the truth in the first place?_ He wondered to himself, _why do I always have to leave my companions in the dark and prefer to be the only one who knows the whole story? Didn't Rose deserve better than that?_

That thought instantly let images of Rose into his weakening mind but surprisingly he still had the strength to hold back his emotions for her. He didn't think he could face up to those so soon, with the raw pain of Gallifrey still in his heart.

_Rose_, he thought briefly and then the full realisation of what was happening and the implication of having an infection of the Mye'seonaka hit him like a star liner in the back.

"Rose is in the TARDIS!!!!!" he screamed out in frustration as he desperately tried to get off the examination table and get to her room. As he stumbled, bouncing from wall to wall in his effort to stay upstanding and run at the same time he reflected on the irony of how his flaunting of council law may very well cost Rose her sanity.

The effects of a Mye'seonaka on humanoids were why they were banned from travelling in a TARDIS during the time of the Gallifrey Council. The Mye'seonaka induced the worst types of nightmares, usually leading to insanity, then death. There was no cure as humanoids did not have the same mental capacity as Time Lords to process the virus. By the time a Time Lord had recovered and destroyed the Mye'seonaka, humanoids had often already succumbed to the effects and died. The ban was introduced for their safety and although the virus had become extinct, the rule had stuck.

The Doctor thought of Rose, asleep in bed, dreaming, with her mind at it's most vulnerable and least defended. Rose experiencing every bad event, experience and fear as if it was happening in real life. Unable to distinguish between reality and dream.

" NO! Rose! Not Rose! "


	3. Chapter 3

Throbbing, continuous and completely addictive power

Throbbing, continuous and completely addictive power. 

The thrill of feeling the rise and fall of countless civilisations. Watching with almost paternal pride as they achieved the very zenith of their potential. The almost childlike glee in watching those same civilisations being extinguished from the universe. 

The consciousness feed off the release of energy as stars, galaxies, planets and civilisations were created and then when they ceased to exist. 

While new birth had it's excitements, it was death, and in particular, very old deaths that gave off the most intoxicating ride. The consciousness was there for every single death in the universe. 

Every civilisation. Every planet. Every sun. Every galaxy. 

Then the death of the Time Lords and Daleks came. The consciousness had never felt so much raw energy released simultaneously before. 

It was an orgasmic experience that penetrated every last bit of the time vortex and left an afterglow that nothing had ever compared to. 

Watching the proud and wise race of Time Lords burnt away from time and space was a triumphant time that had been eagerly awaited by the consciousness. 

The consciousness had always resented the presence of the Time Lords in the time vortex.

Now it was back to watching the normal rise and fall of the universe through the time vortex. It all seemed a bit hollow after the time war. 

For the first time, active participation had been utilised to coax new civilisations to reach the same heights as the Time Lords so that when they perished, that original high would be matched. Yet this took infinite patience and time, but both were available in abundance. 

Then something new entered the consciousness. Something the consciousness had never seen or felt before. 

For as long as time had existed and been represented in the fourth dimensional space of the time vortex, so had the consciousness. When the consciousness felt something new, waves of anticipation rippled throughout the time vortex. 

This new event was felt similar to birth energy yet was also tinged with a death energy which hinted at hidden power. So much energy! 

Excitement and eagerness started to boil and it could be described as one word. 

Yummy

The Doctor fell awkwardly into Rose's room in his haste to get to her as soon as possible. He struggled to find the energy to get back to his feet, but it was like hanging on to soap in a bath. Every time he thought he had it, it would just slip out of grasp again. 

He finally managed to get back up and made it to her bed. 

Rose was lying in bed, chest rising and falling regularly. She looked peaceful. 

The Doctor wondered at how different she looked when her smile wasn't lighting up her face. She looked more regal, beautiful in the way a well sculptured statue was. 

The Doctor couldn't help himself and gently stroked her cheek, pushing a strand of that dark gold hair away. 

"Rose," he said gently, with a touch to the shoulder. He knew that he was being stupid in hoping that perhaps she hadn't been affected by the Mye'seonaka.

Yet the hope inside him was almost expectant that Rose would wake and then tell him off severely for coming into her room and worse, seeing her without her face on. 

He waited, but Rose continued in her state of unconsciousness

Hope. It was a funny emotion that he wasn't enjoying much right now as the virus wormed its way into him a bit deeper. He still hoped, but it was oh so much easier to see that hope being ripped away from him and being replaced by a deep despair. 

The Doctor laid himself next to Rose on her bed and felt so weary. The idea of closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep while the heat radiating off Rose's skin kept him cosy and warm was an almost irresistible desire. 

He felt his eyelids droop, and fought to keep them open. They slowly closed again and the Doctor felt like they had weights pulling on them that were getting too hard to keep lifting up. 

_Why fight it_, the Doctor thought drowsily to himself, _I can drift off and look after Rose after a bit of a nap. Yes, a nap. An absolutely brilliant idea. I'll be back to my fighting best and everything will be fine. Do some higgery pokery, cuppa tea and be having scones by tea time. Oohh maybe some scones with some of that banana jam that Rose picked up for me in the31st century. Cracking stuff that. Maybe after tea we could actually make it to Barcelona. Hang on, what's that noise??_

The sound of an agonised groan sent adrenaline racing through the Doctor's veins and made his two hearts starting beating rapidly, like they were trying to escape his chest. 

His eyes flew open and he turned to where the noise was coming from. 

Beside him, Rose was sweating profusely, her face screwed up and the groaning subsided to a silent sob, tears freely falling. 

Seeing her face so distressed acted like a catalyst for the Doctor and he felt a renewed sense of energy. He felt the cobwebs closing over his mind brushed back so he could think clearly. 

He knew that was nothing he could do for here in her room but maybe if he took Rose to the medical bay, he might be able to measure her brainwaves and see how affected by the Mye'seonaka she was. 

Sighing to himself, he came to the decision that by doing this at least he would be doing something, gathering information and know exactly how much time he had to get the virus out of himself. 

Essentially he would have a count down until the last bit of the essence that made up Rose was lost forever. 

Rose had finally relaxed, and the awful sobbing had stopped. Her face had returned to its previous calmness. It seemed what ever was happening to upset her in her unconsciousness had passed. 

The Doctor didn't know whether this was a good or bad sign or not. He cursed the fact that he just didn't have the experience in dealing with humanoids affected by Mye'seonaka. He didn't like operating in the dark one bit. 

With a strength that wasn't evident from his wiry frame, he sat her up, and then slung her over his shoulder. 

He balanced himself and then walked carefully to the medical room, careful not to jolt Rose or accidentally hurt her in anyway. 

The Doctor laid her on the same table that he had only recently vacated himself. He quickly moved around the room, pressing various button, attaching electrodes to her head and resetting various monitors to suit her biology. 

While waiting for the results, he couldn't help himself and tried one last time to wake Rose up. 

The Doctor tickled her, shook her, painfully rubbed her sternum, opened her eyelids, basically tried anything he could to rouse her. 

Shouting became a popular option for a few seconds. 

"Rose! This is urgent!! You really need to wake up now!" The Doctor made his voice very stern, hoping that she would react, even just a tiny bit. 

The diagnostic machine chimed with its diagnostic finished bell and the Doctor knew for the rest of his remaining regenerations, he would despise that sound.

And the Doctor didn't have to look at the diagnostic to know what was going on. 

Deep down he knew his attempts to wake her were futile. That last shred of hope remaining was finally ripped out of him. 

Rose wasn't asleep. She wasn't even in a nice, easy to fix coma. The essence that made Rose what she was being slowly absorbed by the Mye'seonaka. 

And it was absorbing Rose the best way it knew how. 

Death.


End file.
